on waiting

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One morning as I bustled around the kitchen I listened to the voice messages my cousin and I send to each other every now and then. My previous messages to her were filled with my longing and exhaustion that stemmed from waiting for something good to happen. I listened to my cousin reassure me as I poured my coffee. She shared with me someone had recently told her to treat our longings and desires like little children who just want cake really, really bad. We have to be gentle with them and tell them that the cake still needs to be cut, that they will get a slice, but they need to just be patient and wait a little longer. I smiled at the idea of all of the desires I have, and how I can learn to quiet and reassure them in productive ways.

Back in April, one of my favorite artists, The Head and the Heart, posted a short video on Instagram of a small audio snippet of a new song they were working on. I listened to it and felt mounting excitement for the melody, only to realize the audio stopped right before the chorus began. Yet I listened to that clip over and over, so very eager to one day hear the whole song.

The other night I was up late. I was about to go to bed when my phone pinged with a notification from The Head and the Heart. I held my breath as I quickly tapped over to their Spotify page. Just by seeing the title I knew it was the song I had been waiting for. I grabbed my headphones and turned the volume all the way up. The familiar verse began and then the moment the chorus came I felt a huge release, grateful for a melody that held just as much goodness as I hoped it would. 

Before I made dinner last night I felt the pull to re-read my journal entries from February of last year. I had penned my fears around not getting into OT school, and my immense dream for just having that one thing to work out for me. To comfort myself on that night, I concluded my entry to describe the nice dinner I was going to make for myself as an act of self care. Turns out that was the exact recipe I had chosen to make last night, too. I smiled at the familiar patterns I’ve created for myself in periods when I need to redirect my thoughts from the waiting and uncertainty of things.

On Friday as I walked to get dinner with a friend, we walked out of our apartment and I immediately pointed out the beauty of a tiny pink cloud in the sky. As I was still speaking about it, we rounded the corner and I saw the whole sky was filled with pink clouds and my words immediately morphed into one long “ahhhhh!!” 

I am so grateful for the sweet slices of beauty that nestle themselves into my days, reminding me that time still has ways of surprising me with joyous things, regardless of if I was waiting for them or not. And so I gently tend to my desires, whispering to them that their sunrise is coming soon, too.


"Virginia (Wind In the Night)" by The Head and the Heart - I hope you can dance to it like I did!!


Comments

  1. Pamela OlsonFebruary 16, 2022 at 10:15 AM

    I finally got to read this and of course it is so lovely and perfect. It is hard to wait for things some times but it sounds like you have some good strategies and some even better perspectives. I love you!
    ❤ Mom

    ReplyDelete
  2. madameplushbottomFebruary 20, 2022 at 7:46 AM

    I love the encouragement from your cousin. I am going to try to remember that and apply it as well. I too have been noticing the patterns of my life that I've carved out. They are both comforting and encouraging. XO

    ReplyDelete

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