Season of Release

I like to celebrate the fall season like it's the new year. It reminds me there is beauty in change. And although the leaves will fall, there is a sort of celebration in the release, and a promise that the fall branches will hold more again in the spring. I believe fall is a time to celebrate our fullness and then release it the earth, arms bare and open to hold new moments in the next season. 

Fullness

I am feeling more settled here in Duluth than I have since June. I found new hiking trails and have approximately 200 photos of gorgeous fall leaves. I find myself deep in the content of our fall semester, and I am amazed at all I have learned so far. I can measure someone's range of motion in their shoulder, elbow, wrist and fingers. I observed a stroke patient who had limited language and a paralyzed right arm. I watched as they were presented with a cooking task and was fully independent in almost everything, shaping life's tasks with their own unique rhythm. The content we covered this semester has spoken to me in a way that not many can relate to. We discussed the different types of cerebral palsy, the importance of balance, and how to transfer clients and utilize a wheelchair. While discussing these things in class and working with certain mobility aids that are quite familiar to me, I felt as if I could almost burst from the memories I hold of medical procedures and healing processes. 

Release

While in one of my professor's offices one day, I disclosed to her more about my experience living with cerebral palsy. When later asked about what population I want to work with, I mentioned oncology and explained why - disclosing more of my background. Her eyes widened. "Well well well," she said. "you should write a book!" (I laughed and told her I just have a blog for now, but that is a goal for someday)! She then wondered if I would ever be comfortable sharing more about my CP to my classmates. I felt myself relax as I said I would love to have a space to do so. I had been holding these thoughts and experiences in for months and not quite knowing how to ever bring them up in class. So a couple weeks ago, I stood in front of my class and told them that I was born three months early and as a result I have mild cerebral palsy (spastic diplegia, to be exact)!  I told them about my orthopedic surgeries and how I essentially I had to re-learn to walk after each one. I said that I had a lot of physical therapy growing up which I was so grateful for because it helped me immensely. Although lately, I have been wondering how OT might have been able to enrich my healing experience too. I shared that is why I ultimately chose to pursue OT - because I want to be apart of the process to help someone feel more comfortable with their current condition by being able to do those small "occupations" for themselves that ultimately bring so much meaning and purpose to their life and their healing. 

Open 

My classmates had so many wonderful questions which was so touching to me. I told everyone that I hope to be more open about this going forward, that I may now bring more things up in class, and that I am always willing to answer questions because it brings validation to my experience. I feel so grateful and proud that I made a space for myself to share something so personal that can also help others learn, too. Later that day, I was sitting in a wheelchair to practice transfers with my peers. In between practicing, a few of them asked me more about my experiences. I just about could not handle the feeling of myself sitting in a wheelchair to practice OT techniques while also talking to people about my experience with CP. As I "helped" someone navigate using a walker, I pictured my younger self seeing a picture of myself right then in that moment. And I knew I would be so proud. And I'm proud of her, too. 

This season has felt new and different for me, but in many challenging and good ways. Many of the trees here are bare now, and I feel light and open, too - ready to hold what comes within the next season.