on sorrow and longing
The other night I sank into the seat of my car, my skin sticky, my bones aching. I drove home, wondering if this is how summer is going to feel every day. That night I opened my journal to pinpoint and to release what has been weighing down on me. (I am often not this specific with personal things on here, but for the sake of this post I felt it was fitting, so some of what I journaled about is paraphrased below in italics): I have finally come to accept the ending to a friendship I have held since preschool, and have spent the last month grieving the loss of this relationship that used to be such a source of joy for me. I continue to pour myself out on first dates, which do not evolve into second dates. I listen to my friend tell me through tears how difficult it is for her to receive the healthcare she needs. My oncology clinic calls to remind me to schedule my first breast MRI. My auntie Molly’s birthday is tomorrow and I hope I can celebrate it in a way she w...